How can you define your comfort zone? I
guess it differs in time, depending on your mood, on the weather, on
the number of people around you and whether you like them or not.
Today (cloudy weather, cloudy thoughts) my comfort zone was quite small, meaning that I had to
challenge myself several times to be brave and just do what I had to
do without whining. I went to Istanbul Modern, the modern art museum
that I visited last week with my friend Ali. There was an exhibition
that I missed last time, and since
entrance is free for residents of Turkey on Thursdays, I decided to
visit the museum once more.
When I entered the building, my mind
was wandering anywhere but where it should be: in the museum. I got
my ticket and wanted to bring my coat to the cloak room when one of
the ticket people suddenly interrupted my stream of thought. “Lady!
Lady! Do you want an audio tour?” That was a hard question in the
early morning. “No, thanks.” “You should take an audio tour.”
“No, thanks.” “The museum is way better with an audio tour.”
I started to feel annoyed. “No, thanks, I've visited the museum
last week as well.” “Did you take an audio tour last week?”
“Yes.” I didn't, but figured this would be the best way to get
rid of the man. He studied me with a sceptical look on his face.
“Really, did you?” Shit. I couldn't remember anyone asking us
whether we wanted an audio tour last week. Maybe there weren't any
audio tours back then. The man started to laugh at me. I felt so
stupid and ended our discussion with a quick “I don't know, but I
don't want an audio tour now”. Then I ran off.
If I would have had a better day I
would just have answered the man immediately in the sense of: “Thank
you, but I'm not interested – I'm just here to visit the
international film exhibition.” Or actually, why should I give up a
reason for not wanting an audio tour? Who is he to keep pushing me
into an audio tour? Anyway, the thing is that I felt like I had to
defend myself, whereas on a sunny day, after a good night of sleep,
this conversation would have been much easier on me. You don't have
to feel like a deer caught in the headlights when someone asks you a
simple question. He must have sensed my insecurity too, otherwise he
probably wouldn't have kept on bothering me. Is there a way to teach
yourself to answer any question any time in a smooth and direct way?
Another one of today's challenges:
after the museum, I wanted to read my book in a nice chair with a
good cup of coffee. Ece showed us some nice cafe's close to Istanbul
Modern last week, so the only thing I had to do was pick one and go
in. But they were all small and crowded and I didn't dare enter. I
needed a half an hour walk through the neighbourhood before I could
find the courage to go inside the cafe of my choice. How can it be so
hard to just walk into a cafe? At one point I was even considering to
just go home and drink a coffee in my room. Anyway, I was happy I
went in, the cafe was nice, the waiter had a tunnel in his ear and
smiled at me and they played the blues. I ordered “bir filtre kahve
lütfen”, one filter coffee please, and got a latte macchiato. I
don't even know how to spell latte macchiato, let alone ever ordered
it. There is not many things I don't like, but milk is one of them.
How can “bir filtre kahve” sound like “latte macchiato”?
I accepted the punishment for my bad
Turkish and my current cowardice and drank the whole bloody thing.
The audio tour I could not escape with a little loss of face and I
was not going to admit I was wrong a second time. Besides, it was my
own fault anyway so I should take the blame. Is drinking something
you don't like stepping out of your comfort zone too?
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